Who’s in my bed? Not you.

Who does not love a good make out session with their partner, for their own pleasure or to brag to their pals that aren’t getting some? That great love making that spins their world around, takes them the heavens and back. And every time you relive that memory, you get that mini orgasm? We all do. Some of us could write a New York Times best seller with just the tales of what we do behind closed doors, under the sheets, the rest room of a restaurant or out in the open in the back seat of a car.
Because all you want is someone who is going to give it to you right, all night, as our fantasies wish for, while you clench to the sheets because that grind so good, and ya’ll got it right on the first time. We all deserve an awesome coitus session that you will talk about and remember for generations to come, that opened your eyes and made you want to explore other possible situations and circumstances that will be almost as great as that one time.
I would like to point out that I believe that gender and its roles are socially constructed. It can be said that gender is derived from social expectations, norms and roles that are categorized according to an individual’s sex, hence we have males and females. Such categorizations have been put forward for easy social organization, and these constructs essentially define how we view the world and see ourselves. Society imposes (allow me to use this word as it seemed more appropriate) gender roles on us, and with that puts us into boxes that really becomes hard to navigate out of if it really does not apply to you.
The world we live in is filled with labels and categories, and it is either you find one that best suits you or is placed on you. But this is not about gender roles placed upon us by society, which can be argued because they are inherent, but about those that are there because it makes them feel better about themselves or whatever reason. Or believe that that is how things should be. And it’s about discussions that have been frequenting my twitter TL a lot these days, so I thought I should say a word or two, because sometimes a 140 characters aren’t enough.
In the heterosexual community, the roles are clear, there is the guy and there is the girl. Who does what is mainly based on the gender, well unless that couple is very experimental, then things will turn and they will have a whole lot of fun or things will turn into a “let’s not ever do that again. What were we thinking?” kind of situation. The guy is to give that daddy long stroke, receiving as much pleasure as possible, making sure that he does not deny the woman the big O, which most of the time they do not get to, as it has been said. Unless of course the girl is completely fine with making sure that her man reaches climax and she doesn’t. It’s rare to find cases where the woman reaches climax before the guy and she rolls over and has to take a nap as it was that good, and has to recover.
You would expect more or less the same thing within the homosexual community, specifically the gay community right? Even though it is a same sex relationship. The relationship as a whole, there are typically no roles played, those played are based purely on the individuals involved, if they want to define the roles they want in the relationship. Roles in relationships should be determined by the intrinsic part of one’s personality, and not society. Whether you choose to be a homemaker or the one that “wears the pants” in a relationship, submissive or dominate should be entirely up to you and your partner.
But as soon as we draw the curtains, and close the doors, there have to be some roles that have to be played out and fulfilled, because that is what are and we are made to believe. That is not the case, and it does not have to be so.
There are the types, labels and categories that homosexuals use to classify and group their sexual partners, which are the top, bottom or versatile. Or whatever colloquial term they use like pitcher & catcher and the likes. And as said, labels make it easier to understand and make sense of things in everyday life, so it does make sense that there are such. Things do not have to get tricky in the bedroom anymore, if you know what I mean. But what has been getting to me is how these labels are used to define others, and enact roles onto people. Telling them what to like and such.
Is it not bad enough that they have to deal with the stereotypes from society, the heterosexual world, now their own are telling them, not even hinting to them how things should be done in the bedroom. Honestly, preferring to be bottom or top should not be something one should be ashamed of. It’s all a matter of preference and what you enjoy. Like having to choose between a McFlurry and Krusher.
It has been made to seem as if being top is the next best thing after 4G network coverage and being bottom can seem a bit taboo. And if you are vers, it is believed that you are either confused (same thing is said about bisexuals), or selfish. But it’s all a matter of what you take a liking for in the bedroom. It is after all what you and the other party do and enjoy after all.
There is nothing with being bottom or vers. People will force themselves into top roles because it resembles heteronormativity or to be seen as more acceptable, as there is something wrong with being bottom. Just as they do with the ‘straight acting’ gay, which to me is a whole lot of nonsense.
What someone likes to do in bed, being the pitcher or catcher should really not be any of our business; unless they have made it very clear they’d like to give you a good strokin’. I do not see why we should be bothered about people and their sex partners, especially enough to go and discuss it on a public platform, without really being insightful. And with such discussions, which could be of benefit and used to enlighten the masses and change the manner in which they perceive the world, they tend just to do the opposite. I tend to cringe every time the top/bottom topic pops up on my TL.
It is truly amazing with what people come up with. If you are telling us that you do not like to engage with a chubby person, good for you, some of us prefer them chubby. Whether you would like someone who can give it as good as they take it, go ahead and do you, do not tell us that one cannot only be on the receiving end of things. The gay community has a million and one ways on how to be queer, and they do not understand the disastrous effects such actions will have. And I am not saying build a fire and sing khumbaya and have a common agreement on a certain stance, but something’s are just logical. What works for you will not necessarily work for me.
There are various ways in which one views and expresses their gender and sexuality, and with sexuality, I mean in reference to the bedroom. Someone needs to publish that rulebook that says a top and top cannot be together, or bottom and bottom cannot get it on with Rocket playing in the background. It sounds taboo, but we do have same sex relationships right? Why can’t we allow other kids to be great and do as they please, allow them that freedom?
Why should being a bottom or top make the superior over the other? Why can’t a bottom and a bottom get together? If they have found a way to make it work for them, ejaculate, and experience whatever euphoria they hoped to achieve, then let it be. There is nothing wrong with identifying with being a bottom or top or whatever, and having labels, but as soon as we dictate to others on how to carry out their roles that is where the problem begins.
As humans, we live out our lives in a manner in which we define and view ourselves in a certain way, or in relation to the rest of the social order and the world we live in, either following the categorizations and following labels (which some are trying to break away from), and their hierarchies, for better understanding of the world and social structure. The world could be a much better place if people did not force their opinions down our throats, and make us believe it’s the only viable option out there.
So, is it not time we started thinking out of the norm? Is it not time we started having all sorts of sex, with who ever, as long as it is safe?

Jozi gets Happy

Thinking Of You.

When I sit there in tears but I cannot seem to figure out why I’m filled with rage. Filled with rage. Where did it go wrong? There are so many questions left unanswered, and I will probably never get the answers to them. One of them is do I want to give it another try? Will it be worth it? That is if I do get that chance. I sit there thinking of you.
Our last night together, our last time together forever etched in my mind. I thought I had let go, but it is re-occurring memory. Not only a memory but the emotions too, the floodgates have been opened. I yearn for your kiss, your touch even though I know that that shall never be.
It ended. I blocked out the emotions because I could not find the closure I needed. I told myself I moved on with my life. I exited your life. It was all in my head. My heart, a different matter. No goodbyes were said, perhaps that would have helped. A year later, it’s all still the same. Post us; I’m still left dazed by what happened.
I was blind to the signs, they signaled the end but I choose to ignore them. I was blinded by the thought of being in love, by the thought that this could be the one. I hoped that it was the last relationship that I would have to say I am giving it a try, and that was very gullible of me. It ended, only you knew why. It never seemed to get better. But all I could do was pretending that I was doing better. I thought I had it better until you suddenly reappeared, a resurgence of emotions.
And yes, sometimes I still do regret how I could let myself let you go. Because I told myself that, I would fight for us whenever I saw the end in the distance. I could not comprehend the depth of the love that I had for you until it was all over. Or maybe is it because I did not get to see it realize its full potential that only know I realize that?
I sit here and think of you, your smile, and your laugh when I know that I shouldn’t be. I wish that I were looking into your eyes, holding your hand and being in your company. My mind is far away, it is with you. This cannot be right.
I begged myself to let go. But I just could not. You have a hold over me. I still battle with it while you moved on. Our separate ways we went, with you still in my heart. But I cannot make you love me if you don’t and that is perfectly understood. I shouldn’t surrender to what I still have for you if I want to move on. But it is still there.
It’s sometime too painful to bear. Love is pain and pain is love right? I don’t know how to explain this space I am in. I got myself to this place. I should stop thinking that it might miraculously work out for the best one day. That is just deceiving my heart, being naïve.
I’m totally out of my element; I had to find new ways to live without you in my life anymore. You had such an impact on my life, but I never realized this. I tried to change it all, but it all remained the same. I enter into a black hole. It’s the price of being stuck to what will never be.
I had to let go of all plans and dreams I had for us. I sit and think where we could be. It saddens me. There is just no use in trying if the pieces just don’t fit anymore. I just had to let go even though all I wanted to do was love. I convince myself that the time has come for me to let go of the “could have’s” and “would haves”, they are doing me no good.
I reflect on the times we have spent together. I should probably let those times go because they seem to be doing me no good at all. I’ve got to break this bad habit.
There came appoint where I was filled with resentment, where I hated the very sight of you because of what you did. But I had to let go of all that negativity, so that I could heal, to be able to love again. I was hurt. It took me time to learn to love again without fear.
As much as I couldn’t love or care for someone who did not do the same for me, I had to do the same with my hatred. I couldn’t go on with it because not only you didn’t know or care but also it was not good for me. I had to forgive you so that life could go on. And I forgave, and I move on.
There was nothing left to do because it was over. I needed to decide what I had to do with my life, before I lost my mind, it was for the best. The dark cloud was still over me, I was hoping the sun would shine over me. I was torn that you were over me.

Thinking of you, hoping that you’re happy, and you’ve found someone that loves you and you love too. I loved you too, just for the record. But it’s all over. I’ve loved before, loved you, I’ll probably love again. I do not know why I’m so still attached. I need to let go of the pain that was you and I.
I thought that I could be strong, not until I was staring at myself thinking why these tears are streaming down, why my heart is throbbing. It felt like a dagger was plunged into it. I haven’t been able to focus much; your departure still haunts me like it happened last week. I sit there and replay it all the time. The night I met you, that sweet smile, the very same smile when you said goodbye for the last time, not knowing that it was all about to change. I’ve got to let go.
Have you ever loved somebody so much that you’ve gone and caused yourself so much pain, because you know that they’ve move on, you love them so much that you’ve gone and done things that was against what you would do? Sigh. It’s unbearable.
I sit here thinking of you, hoping that it’s the last time…

I wrote this about a year ago, May 23rd, at 4am and I was most probably sitting in the dark, because that is what I love to do when the mind is at war with the heart, battling internal conflict. I am glad to say I left that space, even though it took me a long while and had to have some conversations that I had been dreading. I don’t wish for anyone to find themselves hoping to get back into a relationship that will never happen or do them any good. As it’s always said. “You deserve better than that…”