When you’re one the edge, and a cut away from ending it all. You stare at yourself in the mirror, wipe away the tears and beg yourself to be strong. You try to convince yourself that it will get better tomorrow. You move the blade across the old scar of where you once cut yourself, and at that moment, you realize that the physical pain is nothing compared to what you feel inside.
The hurt, numbness, betrayal, anguish. It becomes to much to bear, and you want to end it all. You watch you as your blood drips into the sink, it brings you joy and some sort of relief as it seems to end your pain. Staring at your forearm as the blood drips, it feels as if the pain that you could not share is leaving your body, the baggage is being shed and left behind. Second cut and you can still see the shell that once house a being, now it’s tainted and broken. You go for the third cut hoping that it is a charm.
Simultaneously you feel it in your heart too. Weak and frustrated, leaning against the bed as your pen your goodbyes, yet you have mixed feelings as you wish to seek help to stop it before it’s too late. You slip away with the hope that someone will come through that door to save you. But it’s too late. Only if you had said to someone ”please help me” while you still had the chance…
Chronicles Of John Doe 
I know the exact pain and feelings you have. I never ask someone to help me afraid they are just going to call me crazy so I continue to hurt myself hoping whatever I do can get the job the done.
But I honestly advice you to seek help. I actually do not cut myself, but imagine the pain of those that actually do. I’ve managed the urge to harm myself as a method of dealing and handling pain when it gets too much for me. Try and find alternative methods, please. And I do hope that it gets better for you as it has for me.
I am getting the help I need at this time. I hope it gets better for you too! Sending positive vibes your way – Phoenix